just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
