im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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