Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
