i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
