we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
