Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
