So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
