I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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