I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
