why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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