Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
