Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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