wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
