how can u be prego again
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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