I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
