HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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