I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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