maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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