Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
