I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
