I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
