I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
