Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
