so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
