I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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