Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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