Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
