It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
