I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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