I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
