Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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