Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
