i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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