new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
