woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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