why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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