He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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