After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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