I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
