The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
