peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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