I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
