Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
