my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i believe in u and ur pee
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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