Umm I'm too high to move.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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