He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
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So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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