you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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