I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
