I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
