i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
