My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
