she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize