one two three fourrrrnication!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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