I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
