Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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