I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
