my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh god it's open bar.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
