I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Pants 0. Shit 1.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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