Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
