We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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