literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
