I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
