Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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